Motherhood, frequently depicted as the ultimate destination in a woman's life, has traditionally been considered the normative expectation for women. Numerous narratives, films, and societal standards perpetuate this notion, depicting a woman's existence as lacking fulfillment without offspring. However, an increasing cohort of women is opting for an alternative route, one that celebrates a gratifying existence without the obligations of raising children.
Recently, a Reddit user by the name of Middle_External_2747 posed a question to the women within the community: "At what point did you realize that you didn't desire to have children?"
Here are a few women who have never felt the desire to have children:
Note: The views expressed in these submissions do not necessarily represent a consensus on motherhood. Each woman's perspective is unique.
1."I've known for as long as I can remember. Seeing my mom constantly exhausted, unhappy, and snapping at others made me realize I never wanted to subject a child to the same burdens I experienced growing up. Additionally, I simply don't have a desire to have kids. I find the idea of children and the lifestyle that comes with them unappealing. While some people find parenting fulfilling, to me, activities like blowing bubbles or watching a child struggle with a puzzle seem as dull as watching paint dry."
2."When I was about 7 years old, I was playing in my room when one of my mom's friends visited and casually left her baby with me before leaving the room. I watched the baby squirm and start to cry on the floor where they were left, but then I got up to go play outside. Suddenly, my friend's mom came sprinting at me, screaming about me putting her baby in danger and leaving them unattended when I was supposed to be watching over them!
She argued that she was tired and needed a break, and insisted that all little girls dream of becoming mothers — how could I just abandon her baby and miss out on such a vital opportunity to practice my mothering skills?"
3."Approaching 29, I always saw myself as a future mother. With an age gap of about six years between my younger sister and me, and growing up in a single-parent household where my mom couldn't always be present, I naturally assumed the role of a babysitter and second mother from a young age. I cherished the experience of 'having a baby,' and even now, I fondly refer to my sister as my baby, despite us both being adults and the age difference feeling less significant. However, when the COVID-19 pandemic emerged, many of my peers began settling down, starting families, or adopting pets, while I diverged onto a different path, immersing myself in activism and local politics. This commitment deepened during the pandemic when I secured a job at a start-up, spearheading their efforts in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion."
"Through my involvement in mutual aid efforts, I reached a profound realization: there are numerous children with parents who are in dire need of assistance. This led me to question the purpose of personally undergoing pregnancy and childbirth when there are already so many children lacking the essential elements of structure, love, and attention."
4."Becoming an auntie to care for numerous nephews and nieces was the final confirmation that parenthood wasn't for me. While it's a wonderful experience for many women, it's simply not what I envision for myself."
5."I knew from my earliest memories because I never had any interest in playing with baby dolls. Whenever family members gifted them to me, I would promptly set them aside without even opening the box. My sister loved that because they all became hers. As a young child, I adamantly refused to 'play the momma.' People would often say things like, 'When you have kids...' and I would always respond that I won't have kids. Now, at 44, my desire to never have children has never wavered for a moment. The thought of getting pregnant is still my absolute worst nightmare, haha!"
6."As a teenager who witnessed my parents' divorce, I came to the realization that I didn't want to raise a child if I ever found myself in a similar situation. Witnessing how postpartum affected my sister and the challenges she faced further solidified my decision. My comfort in choosing to be child-free increased significantly after meeting my current boyfriend, who shares my desire not to have children and reassured me that it's perfectly okay to feel this way."
7."Since I was eight years old and witnessed my brother being born (and subsequently helped raise him), I've had my fill — he's a teenager now, and I have no desire to go through that again."
8."I never felt the desire to have children. Then, as a teenager, I found myself caring for my parents, who had disabilities, for 10 years until they passed away. It was during this time that I realized, albeit it may seem selfish, I didn't want to be responsible for anyone other than myself. I'm now with an incredible partner who fully supports my decision to remain child-free, and I'm grateful that he respects my choice entirely."
9."Realizing that my genetics aren't great was a big factor in my decision not to have kids. I also believe it's selfish to pass on your genes and potentially put your child's life at risk. The thought of passing down diseases through many generations terrifies me. Why would I want to subject my child to that possibility?
"People often take the gamble, thinking, 'It probably won't happen to us.' But the reality is, it very well could. "
10."Truthfully, observing how all of my friends who are parents were severely impacted during the COVID lockdown by government policies, work situations, and school closures influenced my decision. My Danish cousins, who are slightly older than me, have a much more supportive environment to assist them in raising their children. I often wonder if my decision would be different if I lived there."
11. "When I was a kid, I never dreamed about getting married or having children like my friends. I knew in high school that I didn't want to have children for sure. When asked, 'Where will you be in 10 years?' other girls would say, 'Married with kids.' Instead, I would say, 'I'm not sure — hopefully traveling.' I was told over and over and over that I would change my mind — when I meet the right guy, when I'm older, when I'm settled down. Welp, I'm 46, met the right guy, married him, got pretty settled, and NEVER CHANGED MY MIND. I do make sure to travel internationally every couple of years. I love some of my friends' kids and I'm a good auntie. Spending time with them still only reaffirms my desire never to be a parent."
12."The idea of having children never really appealed to me. As a child, I assumed it was something everyone went through eventually. Growing up, I didn't have any child-free adults in my life, so I wasn't aware that not having children was an option. As I matured, I came to understand that I had a choice, and that realization felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders."
13.At the age of seven, my mom was pregnant with twins, and the experience was horrific, especially with two newborns. It left me feeling horrified, and since then, I've harbored a strong aversion to children. Now at 29, I am adamant that I will never, ever, EVER have them.
All three of my sisters have kids and every single one of their pregnancies was horrific. Knowing that, I would never have kids now. I wouldn't be lucky enough to be the one out of four with an easy pregnancy and birth."
14.Ann Landers, a renowned columnist in the '70s, conducted an anonymous mail-in survey to her readers, asking those who had children if they would choose to have kids again if given the chance. The response was overwhelming, with 72% saying no. Learning about this survey at a young age, possibly even before reaching puberty, left me astonished and made me decide then and there that I would never have children.
15.I was undecided about having children until I reached 23. Witnessing my friends sacrifice their time to raise children who often caused them a great deal of stress made me seriously reconsider. Now, at 25, I can confidently say that I do not want children. I cherish my life and the little luxuries it affords me far too much to give that up.
Absolutely, I'm 45 and happily child-free. I'm beginning to witness my friends' kids enter adolescence and college years. In my opinion, this is when the real challenges of parenting arise, as kids navigate through phases of pushing their parents away or engaging in risky behaviors such as drug use.
I used to have doubts about my decision not to have kids, but now I'm genuinely glad I didn't.
16.In my mid-twenties, I used to envision having kids and raising them to be cool, passionate, and kind adults with exciting lives. However, I came to the realization that I might end up living vicariously through them, just like many of the parents I know. That's when I decided to focus on making my own life interesting instead. As time went on, I discovered even more reasons why I wouldn't want to be a parent, and I struggled to find a compelling reason TO have children. I believe that having children shouldn't be the default; it should be a conscious choice driven by genuine desire.